I am incredibly fortunate. I am mostly healthy—no mental diseases, physical handicaps, or illnesses. I am employed in a job I love. I have a supportive friend group and family. I have a roof over my head and can pay my bills. But, I am still evolving, growing, becoming the best person I can be.

This blog is my attempt at reflecting externally what I hold within, and to finding motivation for days when that’s harder to do. I want to find a higher level of existence mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

The easiest of these goals to actively blog about, and the one that’s on the top of my list, is my physical progression. I have never been thin. I have been medically labeled “obese” since at least twelve years old. I could spend a significant portion of this page discussing the mental ramifications of knowing you’re obsese at that age, but this is an about page, and you’re likely to get far more more detail about me over the course of this project.

In the last six years, I have peaked around 260 pounds, which is an approximation at best. (I wasn’t weighing for years, content to fuel this collegiate idea that not giving a fuck about anything, especially the perception of my body type, was the purpose of art school.) I’ve dropped as low as 210 lbs, only to rise back to approximately 226 lbs.

And recently, I’ve been reflecting intensively upon myself. Specifically, my mother always says, “Your body is a temple.” While she means this to dissuade me from more piercings, more tattoos, or gaining more weight, it has taken on new meaning in my current stage of life. I want to reflect externally that which is internal within me. I want to find my internal and external self fully representative of the person who I feel I am.

I am attempting to chronicle this. I am attempting to find myself, in the not all too distant future, a person who can see all portions of herself and feel satisfaction. I am still formulating the best plan of action for this documentation, and it is likely to adapt and evolve as I continue to grow. I foresee it involving hard numbers, attempts at poetry, setbacks, too much truth, lots of writing, art, and accountability.