Do or do not. There is no try.

So now that we’ve established that I pretty much believe in The Force, on to the meat of things. Why did I feel the need to explain my beliefs on energy, being self-reliant, and constantly putting forth best effort and good energy, despite all circumstances?

In summer 2009, I lost my primary source of income. My bosses needed someone full-time and they knew (and I knew,) that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my work with Deep. Realistically, I knew I could not support myself on Deep alone, however, I knew it was highly unlikely that I would find another part-time job that would allow me the flexibility to work with Deep as intensely as I do.

I made the decision to continue to work for Deep. Financially, I should not have been able to do it. My bills averaged around $300-400 more than what I actually made.

The strange thing was? I never overdrew and I never had a second to even stop to worry about any of it.

In July, I was given a ridiculous amount of money to move out of an apartment I had only lived in, rent free, for a month. That got me by into the fall.

Then, I thought about selling my car, which was worth about $5,000, and I still owed about $2,500 on. Instead of having to sell my car, a family member gave me half the money I owed on it. That got me by until December.

Over the last seven months, I ended up getting around $3,500 for no reason other than I got it. I started to realize that if I could make it until July, when my last car payment was due, and if I could just get a lower student loan payment, then I might just balance out.

Last week, I received two pieces of information in the mail:

  1. My car title and a $0 balance on my car—four months early! My advance payments over the last few years caught me up and over, and I even got a check for $106 returned to me because I had overpaid.
  2. My student loan repayment application was accepted, and I have gotten my payments lowered to $50-60/month.

I am now making $200 more a month than the bills I owe, which means I can start lowering my credit card balance from where I bought a new computer and all my gas over the last seven months.

I DID IT!

And yes, while the scientific, rational part of my mind in no way wants to contribute this to some incorporeal energy that permeates everything, I can’t help but say, you know what? I’m meant to work with Deep. I am doing good works and I’m supposed to be in this place, at this point in my life.

I am not where I am because I prayed for it. I am where I am because this is where I am supposed to be; because I am contributing good things to the world; because I didn’t want to give this up simply because I couldn’t afford to live this way; because I persevered; and because I believed in what I was doing and its significance.

I decided to do this full time. I decided to make this work. There was no trying or maybe. I kept putting good things out, and getting good things in return—and life aligned so that I could continue to do what I do. Is there any better way to explain it that that?

Okay, yeah.

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