Do or do not. There is no try.

So now that we’ve established that I pretty much believe in The Force, on to the meat of things. Why did I feel the need to explain my beliefs on energy, being self-reliant, and constantly putting forth best effort and good energy, despite all circumstances?

In summer 2009, I lost my primary source of income. My bosses needed someone full-time and they knew (and I knew,) that I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my work with Deep. Realistically, I knew I could not support myself on Deep alone, however, I knew it was highly unlikely that I would find another part-time job that would allow me the flexibility to work with Deep as intensely as I do.

I made the decision to continue to work for Deep. Financially, I should not have been able to do it. My bills averaged around $300-400 more than what I actually made.

The strange thing was? I never overdrew and I never had a second to even stop to worry about any of it.

In July, I was given a ridiculous amount of money to move out of an apartment I had only lived in, rent free, for a month. That got me by into the fall.

Then, I thought about selling my car, which was worth about $5,000, and I still owed about $2,500 on. Instead of having to sell my car, a family member gave me half the money I owed on it. That got me by until December.

Over the last seven months, I ended up getting around $3,500 for no reason other than I got it. I started to realize that if I could make it until July, when my last car payment was due, and if I could just get a lower student loan payment, then I might just balance out.

Last week, I received two pieces of information in the mail:

  1. My car title and a $0 balance on my car—four months early! My advance payments over the last few years caught me up and over, and I even got a check for $106 returned to me because I had overpaid.
  2. My student loan repayment application was accepted, and I have gotten my payments lowered to $50-60/month.

I am now making $200 more a month than the bills I owe, which means I can start lowering my credit card balance from where I bought a new computer and all my gas over the last seven months.


And yes, while the scientific, rational part of my mind in no way wants to contribute this to some incorporeal energy that permeates everything, I can’t help but say, you know what? I’m meant to work with Deep. I am doing good works and I’m supposed to be in this place, at this point in my life.

I am not where I am because I prayed for it. I am where I am because this is where I am supposed to be; because I am contributing good things to the world; because I didn’t want to give this up simply because I couldn’t afford to live this way; because I persevered; and because I believed in what I was doing and its significance.

I decided to do this full time. I decided to make this work. There was no trying or maybe. I kept putting good things out, and getting good things in return—and life aligned so that I could continue to do what I do. Is there any better way to explain it that that?

Okay, yeah.


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